Happy Birthday Angel Baby

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I was going to have our second child last year, the due date was 11/2/15.

I found out I was pregnant at the end of February 2015. We were overjoyed. Seeing that pregnancy test that said, “2-3 weeks pregnant” was an incredible memory, I took a picture of it at the time and have it saved. To be honest, I don’t need a picture though, I just close my eyes and see that image over and over again. Many know that I saw this baby’s heart beating at 6 weeks, and 2 weeks later my husband and I saw no heartbeat. It was devastating to say the least.

I know our baby had life, our baby had movement at 6 weeks alive. I saw it with my own eyes, the ultrasound tech saw it as well. The only thing I wish I had done differently was record it on my phone, but little did I know that it was going to be the last day I saw the life of  baby Ashes.

The best part of talking to others who’ve miscarried no matter at what stage, is that they never forget their lost ones who didn’t make it to their due/birth date, and they always know how old their babies would be, even if they’ve had more children along the way, even if they’re grandmothers now. I hate that we all went through this, but I love how we support each other even if the non-miscarriers think we’re loony and need to move on.

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So happy first birthday little angel Ashes! I’ll always wonder what you’d have looked like and if you would have been a girl or boy. I think about how awesome things would be with two kids right now who were supposed to be 22 months apart, and I wonder how you would be interacting today as I watch your older sister eating her lunch. You’d be turning around 1 this time of year if you had gone full term!  You’re always on the back of my mind little one! I love you more than you or anyone will ever know! I hope you’re having a blast with Jesus! Hopefully we’ll be welcoming your litter sister who is sharing the same due month as you real soon!

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