Anyone who knows me and may be reading this knows I had for what felt like a never ending miscarriage since March 24, 2015. I’ll go into detail about this long agonizing journey later on.
I read an online article from Elle today and here’s a paragraph from a gal who miscarried her first, it exactly described my perception of miscarrying before I ever thought I’d have one…
“most of us have difficulty imagining how truly sad it can be. Before I had mine, I even thought maybe some women were just making a bigger deal of it than they really needed to. I couldn’t grasp why people talked as if they’d lost a child, because that embryo wasn’t really even a thing yet, was it? Then I had my miscarriage.
You can never unknow what it feels like to lose a baby, even a teeny tiny one, barely a shrimp, less than seven weeks in utero. That loss compounds itself with so many other losses too; the loss of the life you imagined for yourself as a parent and for this little being, the loss of naiveté around what pregnancy means, the loss of unadulterated bliss at seeing two lines on that pee stick.”
I was lucky enough to be blessed with my first child in 2014. I went through a few years of infertility and can say that I had my miracle baby, she is the greatest thing in my life. I am forever thankful. I constantly pray for people I know who still don’t have a child of their own and I know their pain is unbearable.
This gal who wrote her experience on the Elle article goes on to talk about her successful pregnancy after her miscarriage and etc… So just focusing on her first 2 paragraphs. They had me thinking about sharing my experience.
You see, when I found out it was official that my baby aged 8 weeks+ died (good heartbeat at 6 weeks ultrasound) the OB I was seeing at the time (who had no real empathy) gave me 3 options. 1. I could let the miscarriage happen naturally and wait for my body to expel it. 2. Take a pill that will expel it for me with in 24 hours or 3. Go to the hospital for a D&C procedure. There was no way in hell I was going to opt for #3 since it would cost more, and it would require going under with an IV and the doc didn’t think I needed it either.
After a few days I decided to take the pill and long story short it didn’t work. I doubled up on pills April 6th after we saw via ultrasound sac was still in me. This double up was supposed to for sure get the baby out and I really thought I passed it that night. I saw things that they told me to look for.
But I bled a lot, (not as much as maybe severe patients) and more than I read I was supposed for about 3 weeks, so I saw the doc again end of April. I told him my concerns on how my body was being weird, I still felt so horrible and just not normal. He insisted I was fine and wouldn’t do an ultrasound on me so I left the doc’s office not thinking too much about this and just hoping time would go fast so I could heal.
Middle of May 2015 and I still feel something isn’t right, I take a preggo test and it was positive. I had read numerous times that women could be super fertile right after a miscarriage so of course I was happy to see the + but I also knew it could still be my hormone level of HCG that hadn’t dropped so I knew it was very unlikely to be pregnant. I had a standing order weekly to get my blood taken at the lab from my naturopath so I called her to let her know I went in to do it. A few days later she said my HCG level was still at 199 and not at zero which could mean a number of things. So without getting my hopes up again she ordered me an ultrasound at a radiology place and on May 21st it was discovered not only was the sac still inside me, it was empty but it had grown.
Ahhhhhh, I was so angry!!!! I was supposed to pass it on the 6th of April, the medication didn’t work!! The doc wouldn’t see me over a month ago when my intuition told me something wasn’t right!!!! I should have been on the path to having my body heal, not carrying this dead sac anymore! A week or so later I got my blood drawn again and the HCG went to 157, the naturopath thought if I waited another month I’d probably pass the sac, but we decided no no no more waiting! I had one more ultrasound June 12th to confirm sac was their before I went to the hospital for a D&C . Sure enough stubborn sac was there and it didn’t look like it was going to leave anytime soon.
Since the original ob I was seeing wouldn’t let me have an ultrasound end of April I decided to NEVER go back to him and stick with my naturopath. Could you imagine if only he checked me out and listened to my concerns end of April I could of had a D&C done around then! But no, it’s not like you can just go to the hospital and request a D&C which the ob told me I could. I found that out the hard way after waiting 6 hours in the emergency room on June 16th. Another huge medical bill for nothing. I met an on call ob that night who read my letter from the radiology lab stating the sac had grown and she scheduled my d&c for June 23rd. Which was a little over 2 weeks ago.
I am glad I finally did it, but all the bills for all the ultrasounds and blood tests could have been avoided if the original damn ob didn’t misdiagnose me and think that I was just fine end of April. I told him about my HCG blood level being at 199 in May over the phone and he still thought that was normal, turns out it wasn’t. And since it was via phone there’s probably no record of this phone conversation happening
I am a rare case for the medication to not work, but that still doesn’t excuse the doc for not at least giving me a final ultrasound in April or May when I contacted him.
Part of me says something needs to be done so this crappy OB won’t do this to others, that I should make everyone in my area aware of what he did/didn’t do because it has caused us so much pain emotionally, physically, and financially. And possible pain for the future. We might go and consult with a lawyer soon.
I do not want to go throw this ever again! If I could afford it, I’d adopt my next 3 children and never worry about trying to conceive again.
The new ob ordered blood tests on Monday and I hope to have them by Friday and pray that the HCG hormone has dropped so I can be on some sort of path or road to recovery. Please pray for me !!! I’ll keep ya posted!